“I’m afraid to start dating again because I always seem to lose myself in my relationships.” and “Giovanna, I met this really great guy. How do I stop myself from totally losing myself in this relationship?”
I hear this from 10/10 of my clients. No joke.
So why is this such an issue for so many women… including successful women who seemingly have all their shit together?
Well, here’s the thing that no one is going to tell you. We’re programmed to do this!!
Yes, you read that correctly. WOMEN HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO BE SELF-SACRIFICING!
Who did this programming you ask!?
I can go into a whole speech about the #patriarchy here (trust me), or I can just fill you in on another secret: Women (or rather the energy labeled feminine) are designed to be in connection.
Yes, men are too, but throw a guy in a cave with a BBQ and his dog and he’ll be good for a lot longer than we would be, am I right? Their design is slightly different… and that’s why we love ‘em!
A woman’s deep desire is to connect. Being connectED to someone is a primal driving force. For some, this drive has also been tainted by previous childhood trauma, bad relationship modeling, and/or their own previous relationship experience.
We don’t intend to do this of course, and the men that fall for us, fall for our independence and awesomeness… So why do seemingly intelligent and confident women end up in a situation where they feel a total loss of self?
Ready for the fix?
Now, this is going to blow your mind… and be a little controversial too but here it is…
When you find the right partner you will be in a safe place to both lose and find yourself repeatedly in the context of a healthy relationship. What is the result? You continue to grow and thrive as a person in the relationship. It’s both, and-- not either-or.
YES, this is possible.
So why hasn’t it worked for you in the past? Because you’ve been losing yourself with all the wrong people.
And why have you been doing that? To fill all the empty places where you feel unloveable or not yet good enough.
And if you’re anything like most of my clients, chances are you’ve replaced a boyfriend with work or ambition just to save yourself from ever experiencing this painful and shameful process of dimming your light just so someone can choose you.
This cycle doesn’t have to continue.
If you’re tired of repeating this process and you’re ready to end this cycle click here and fill out the application for a deep coaching insight call.
Let’s get to the bottom of this once and for all so you can lose your self-made concept of who you think you should be (to be acceptable and loved), and find the real you that is already deserving of love with the right partner. Let’s chat.