Do you feel like less of an empowered woman when you get overcome with insecurities?
It is very common, in fact normal for a woman to experience insecurities at some point or another her life. Often these insecurities come up in relationships, friendships or at work.
How many times has an insecurity come up for you and you have felt even worse about yourself for feeling that way? You have judged having that feeling as being right or wrong. You have told yourself you’re being silly or needy or weak.
The truth is you’re feeling, and there is nothing wrong with feeling. Feelings mean that there is a deep wound being triggered or poked at. Feelings of insecurity may mean that your needs are not being met. They may be showing you areas that you need to support yourself more or believe in yourself more. They are not some big bad scary thing that makes us less than as women. We are not “crazy” or irrational for feeling. We are real and we are human.
Considering the basis of trust and connection in all relationships is the ability to be vulnerable it seems likely that hiding your insecurities or not being able to communicate them effectively can be a source of a lot of pain and miscommunication… and worst yet a lack of true honesty which can lead to feeling disconnected.
Why do we want to hide these soft spots in ourselves? Why are we ashamed to say I feel jealous, I feel angry, I feel embarrassed, shy, less than… whatever it is. Do we think our partners and friends don’t already see these pieces of ourselves and accept us anyway? We don’t need to always have it together. What we need to do is accept ourselves, even when we come undone!
If we can embrace our feeling of occasional insecurity and woundedness without making ourselves wrong for them, then we drop into the acceptance of being human – not wonderwoman. When we can accept ourselves fully, warts and all, then we can truly be vulnerable and open to ourselves and others. This means saying… “hey I don’t have all the answers, all I have is this icky feeling. I don’t know what to do with it. I’m not going to blame you for it, but I’m having it… so here it is.” … and that’s it! Taking responsibility for the emotion rather than blaming is the first step to healing, communication and getting your needs met.
When you bring it to the light for what it really is… just a feeling, then it’s not some big scary monster you need to hide in the closet. Own your feelings, feel them, learn from them, and express them (not react or blame).
Recently I had an experience of feeling insecure in my relationship and it brought up feelings of weakness and I began to judge myself. I was so angry at myself! An empowered woman “shouldn’t” feel this way I said to myself. I wanted to run away and not deal with them, pretend they didn’t exist. I was in the thick of it for some time, but it didn’t last too long before I called bull@#$t on myself. As soon as I was able to admit and accept how I was feeling I was able to communicate it clearly, be heard and get my needs met. We create drama when we try to avoid, we create love and healing when we dive right in.
Once I accepted the fact that I still had this squishy soft spot (the insecurity) and that it was as much a part of me as my brown eyes or hair then I was able to relax. I was able to admit that I didn’t need to be perfect or have it all together ALL the time! Pheww… what a load off! Does that mean I don’t grow from this experience and continue being a victim of my insecurity?
No, it means that I give myself the unconditional love and acceptance, space and time for it to be transformed.
I would love to hear from you! When have you experienced this and how have you handled it?
How do you feel you might handle it different going forward. Please share your comments below.
Remember that you are the creator of your own Happily Ever After… you have had the power all along!
Love Giovanna xx